Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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