Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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