In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize