My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Randomize
