i jhust puked up my retainher.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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