Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
