I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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