I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
