She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
