she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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