i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm too high and old for this...
A bitchslap is in order.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
