so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
