i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
