I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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