covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
