I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
