scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
