he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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