I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
