i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
