the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
