you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
