splinters make it hard to masturbate
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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