I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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