Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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