3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize