I heard we made out
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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