She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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