i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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