where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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