Can i not drive my cunt home
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
