is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
