i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
