when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
This is my gift to your gina
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
