Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
