JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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