Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
