Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize