It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
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REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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