So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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