How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
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