what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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