I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
