I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
