He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
