I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
