just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
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The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
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I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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