Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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