Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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