did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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