Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize