the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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