This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
