No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
