my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
is wine microwaveable?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Randomize
