What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
