I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize