Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
we made out on top of his cat.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dear god my vagina.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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