Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
