first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
