I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
