gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
