Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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