I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
