Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
