I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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